The latest improver to the Metal Gear series, the non-canon zombie gameMetallic Gear Survive, is out tomorrow. The series has been around for an incredible 31 years – and oh boy, the things nosotros've seen.
TheMetallic Gearseries is one of the about famous video game series for a reason. Mainly that the games are really adept, with era-defining graphics and deep, well thought-through gameplay. Each of the games has become a archetype of its era.Metal Gear Survive, the first without the participation of auteur Hideo Kojima – and the offset after a very public fallout with Konami, the developers behind the rest of the series – comes out tomorrow.
Information technology'southward an online team-based adventure game where y'all kill zombies, substantially. Like many games which effort to apparel up zombies as not-zombies, they're chosen 'creatures' here. But I will not exist fooled. Humanoid husks who creep slowly, or even quickly, through a earth with the intention of eating brains are zombies. They're zombies.
More crucially, Metal Gear Survive is not a canon championship, so it's not contributing to the well-documented plot that the previousMetallic Geargames have set upwardly. Despite this, a game where yous travel through a wormhole to an alternate universe might exist the virtually normal matter ever to happen in aMetal Geargame.
And then in honour of this new game (kind of – more often than not I simply though there needed to exist a concise yet detailed documentation of the insanity that is theMetal Geargames), I requite you a largely commentary-gratis listing of things that have ane hundred percentage happened through the 31 years of this series.
In the words of Margo Channing, sadly a fictional character in a film released 37 years prior to the nascence of Metal Gear: strap in, because you're in for a bumpy ride.
(There are spoilers, obviously.)
Metallic Gear
Yous play as a character named Solid Snake, which is a euphemism for a penis.
Your commanding officer, the appropriately named Large Dominate, ends upwardly being the person running the militaristic nation land chosen Outer Heaven.
A tank on legs is regarded as an nugget rather than a crushing inconvenience on the field of battle.
Bodily Character Names: Shotmaker, Machinegun Kid, Muddied Duck, Fire Trooper, Dr. Drago Petrovich Madnar, Bloody Brad, Jennifer.
Metallic Gear 2
NASA, the infinite agency, runs a project which allows them to cybernetically enhance unsuspecting government employees into becoming ninjas. They practice not send these ninjas into infinite.
You lot fight somebody who can run actually fast, and the way to defeat him is by laying landmines so he tin run over them, like some kind of homo Speedy Gonzalez.
You fight an ex-Olympic figure skater who has turned into a Russian amanuensis-turned-terrorist.
Yous get vital mission information via carrier pigeon. This game is set in 1999.
Y'all are required to lure venomous hamsters out of their hiding pigsty to proceeds intel that is vital for the mission.
The villain of Metal Gear, Big Boss, is revealed to be the mastermind behind the whole plot, is still alive despite existence set on fire, is assail fire again, and is revealed to be your male parent. Information technology will be frustratingly unclear within the catechism of the series whether you find this out now, in the next game, or in betwixt games.
Bodily character names: Black Ninja, Running Man, Red Blaster, Ultra Box, Night Fearfulness, Jungle Evil, Holly.
Metal Gear Solid
A terrorist group threatens to launch a nuclear strike and then they tin can go the DNA of old Usa military hero turned expressionless terrorist Big Dominate. The leader of this terrorist group is also a clone of Big Boss. And then is the protagonist. They are called Liquid Snake and Solid Snake. They look cipher alike, and one of them has a British accent (the evil one, obviously).
For some reason, Solid Snake is assigned to this mission, despite being the very definition of 'too close to the mission', given that the terrorist leader is a fellow clone.
A helicopter manages to shoot down two F16 fighter jets.
A man with a rocket launcher manages to shoot down this helicopter.
A human being with grenades manages to disable a tank. (Same human equally above).
A walking tank is nevertheless regarded as a huge military advantage (probably because it's equipped with a nuclear warhead this time).
A man (same human) defeats this walking tank on human foot, armed simply with unbelievably kinetic cartwheels and slightly homing rocket launchers.
The developer of this walking tank pees himself immediately upon meeting yous. He does not change his pants for the entirety of the game.
The programmer of this walking tank falls in love with a sniper within the terrorist group, despite never actually meeting her, and despite her dying within about five hours of him finding out she exists.
The protagonist is injected with a illness that simply targets specific people he runs into, and kills them almost instantly upon coming together them. The person who does this is the aggrieved sister of someone he killed in the previous game, and someone he has to kill in this game considering he returns as a cyborg ninja.
There is a cyborg ninja who recites the names of train stations in Tokyo for no reason. He calls himself Deepthroat.
A human being kills another homo with rockets so ravens immediately eat his corpse.
Information technology turns out the terrorist group was working for the US president, who is also a clone of the same guy the others are clones of. He is chosen Solidus Ophidian, not Gas Snake, which is considerately funnier.
Bodily character names: Vulcan Raven, Sniper Wolf, Decoy Octopus, Revolver Ocelot, Psycho Mantis, Liquid Snake, Meryl.
Metal Gear Solid two: Sons of Liberty
(Strap in, considering this is the full-on insane one that talked nearly meme theory a good ten years earlier they became a concrete office of our terrifying existence . )
A terrorist group takes over a ship conveying the newest iteration of this walking tank (which can now swim). The leader of this terrorist group is Revolver Ocelot, who, upon hijacking the walking tank, is possessed by the spirit of Liquid Snake. Liquid Serpent is able to possess Revolver Ocelot because Ocelot had Liquid Snake's arm grafted to replace his own, which was cutting off past the cyborg ninja in the previous game.
Ii years afterward this, the player has to play as a mildly effeminate blonde homo and the serial never recovers from making them play as somebody whose name isn't a euphemism for a penis. This blonde man, codenamed Raiden, has to rescue the president (a unlike president from the old president) from a terrorist takeover of a oil cleanup rig intended to clean upwardly the wreckage from the terrorist assault two years previous.
Someone says the line: "I killed my soul."
A bomb disposal skilful chosen Fatman rides effectually on rollerskates while drinking wine. He dies while exclaiming, "Laugh and abound fat!"
A man is shot in the head multiple times and survives because he is a 'vampire'. His codename is Vamp. It is explained that his codename is Vamp not because he looks like and has abilities that correlate with most vampires, but considering he is bisexual.
A man goes up against a fighter jet on pes and does non immediately die, simply in fact, wins. Everybody survives.
A woman is shot in the heart, someone tells us that her center is on the other side of her torso, and he immediately shoots her in that location instead. Nothing is inverse past this revelation.
The president of the Us grabs the protagonist'south crotch and is surprised to find out he is a man. You can see this in the higher up video, if that's your dysfunction.
The terrorists actually kill the president, which I forgot happened in this game considering a lot of crazier things happen.
There is some other cyborg ninja pretending to be the cyborg ninja from the last game, but it is actually a Russian woman with a barely masked accent who is working for the AIs because they're belongings her child hostage.
The sis of the man who peed himself immediately upon meeting the protagonist in the last game also pees herself immediately upon meeting the protagonist. This adult female dies when she is inexplicably fabricated to sneak by herself, despite having no previous war machine or combat experience.
The entire globe is controlled by AIs called The Patriots, and who are individually named later American presidents, which is a little cute. There is an hr and a half cutscene where they explain why they're controlling the globe; it's basically to control data.
Your mission control chief human is revealed to be an AI. Your fiance may too exist an AI. Everything might exist an AI.
You have a sword fight with the previous president of the The states on top of New York City Hall. He is wearing cybernetic armour which gives him tentacles, for some reason.
Actual graphic symbol names: Fatman, Emma.
Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater
(This is set in the 60s, and before the rest of the series. I detest that I take to analyze this.)
This game's title is a direct reference to fellatio.
You play as Big Boss, the aforementioned armed services hero-turned-terrorist-turned-cloned-a-few-times homo from the previous games. This takes place during his military hero phase.
You lot are betrayed past your lifelong mentor 20 minutes into the game.
This mentor is able to carry two nuclear warheads, each of which weighs near 150 kilos each. This is never addressed.
A Russian intelligence officer launches a nuclear warhead on his own state. This is somehow not an international incident.
Y'all destroy a tank while shooting from the dorsum of a motorcycle.
The antagonist can shoot lightning from his hands, and likewise concord bullets and fire them with this lightning.
A man can command bees with the power of his listen.
A man is the world'south about-feared sniper at well over one hundred years old. Y'all tin can win this fight by waiting for him to dice of old age.
A human can jump around similar a frog and burn down a crossbow.
A homo in an astronaut uniform is possessed by a spirit of literal fury, somehow.
All these men used to be members of the U.s. Special Forces, pb by the protagonist's mentor. They as well defected to Russia, which appears to be a really piece of cake thing to do in this world, considering of this mentor.
The villain has a gay lover and everybody is existent absurd almost it, surprisingly and then for 60s Russia.
This gay lover gropes you lot to find out if you're a man, which is a strange motif for a mainstream game to have.
The entirety of the game's acapella theme vocal plays while yous climb a ladder for two minutes. Information technology is incredible.
Information technology turns out your mentor defected as part of a secret mission given past the United states of america authorities for her to get them a boatload of money gear up upward by a hole-and-corner society like 50 years earlier the start of the game, merely the cost is that her most prized mentee has to impale her very loyal squad, and she is publicly known as a traitor to her state for the rest of history.
Actual graphic symbol names: The Sorrow, The Fear, The Pain, The Fury, The End, EVA.
Metallic Gear Solid: Peace Walker
The head of the CIA is called Hot Coldman.
Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots
(Oh boy. This is too a doozy.)
Solid Snake is now chosen Old Ophidian, because existence a clone has drastically shortened his lifespan. He at present appears to be anywhere from eighty to iii hundred years old.
Nanomachines. Everything in this game happens considering of Nanomachines. Why the vampire is a seemingly immortal vampire? Nanomachines. Why that soldier always shits himself? Because he doesn't have Nanomachines. Why this i guy all of a sudden has control over all the guns in the earth ? Nanomachines.
EVA, from Metal Gear Solid 3, reappears, now with the codename Big Mama. She is not played past Martin Lawrence.
Revolver Ocelot has at present changed his name to Liquid Ocelot because he is at present permanently possessed by an arm, just too it turns out he is faking it and hypnotised himself to exist 'possessed', for some reason. Too he kisses Snake during the terminal fight of the game.
It turns out Big Dominate, who you assault fire twice , is nevertheless technically alive but braindead, and Big Mama is conveying his almost-corpse around to exist permanently on life support, for some reason. It also turns out that this almost-corpse is actually the corpse of one of Big Dominate' clones, the old United states of america President George Sears aka Solidus Snake.
It also turns out that Big Dominate is properly alive, despite being set on fire twice , and yous run into him during a mid-credits scene (where his credit literally comes up on screen and it cuts to the scene, which is kind of cool) and he's fine and looks younger than his clone-son. He then immediately dies because Ophidian is still conveying effectually that illness which kills other people but not him.
Subsequently the boss fights, each of which happens with an improbably proportioned adult female and is followed upward with a ten minute cutscene detailing the horrors of state of war visited upon her, they walk slowly and provocatively towards you lot fifty-fifty as you shoot them with bullets. It's as horrible and weird every bit it sounds.
The villain of the game has a ship with a version of Mt. Rushmore on the forepart, but instead of the presidents information technology is Big Boss and all his clones. This is never mentioned or brought up again as a weird and unnecessarily fourth dimension consuming thing to do with your time, peculiarly every bit a terrorist.
The child of the cyborg ninja from the previous game rewrites the AIs decision-making the earth and then that they actually salve the world and stop being bad AIs. She is eight years one-time.
Bodily grapheme names: Laughing Octopus, Raging Raven, Crying Wolf, Screaming Mantis, Sunny.
Metal Gear Solid five: The Phantom Pain (besides Metal Gear Solid iv: Ground Zeroes)
(This one is set in between 3 and Metal Gear. Yes, it's disruptive. Yes, information technology's kind of dumb.)
Your individual military base is bombed when you rescue one of your staff (who has had a bomb put in her by the protagonist) and you wake up nine years later and have to escape from hospital. Part of this escape includes riding away from a child with psychic powers, who is revealed to be Psycho Mantis from Metal Gear Solid 1, and a massive flaming horse, which is later revealed to exist the possessed spirit of the antagonist from Metal Gear Solid 3.
A skimpily clothed woman is revealed to dress that way considering she breathes through her skin, so if she wore more than dress it would literally suffocate her. This is because of 'parasites', which are the nanomachines of this game. These same parasites also return her speechless. It'south not great, you guys.
A group of soldiers are infected with parasites, which substantially brand them the fast zombies from 28 Days Later , no matter what you call them.
Parasites break free on your military base, meaning yous accept to impale a lot of the soldiers y'all spent the game recruiting.
It turns out that even though you recollect you lot're playing every bit Large Boss, you're actually playing equally a nameless soldier who was given extensive plastic surgery and hypnotherapy to make him think he was Big Boss, and that this nameless soldier, chosen Venom Serpent, is the first Big Boss that was killed in Metal Gear 1, which brings the series full circumvolve while making admittedly no sense whatsoever.
The male parent of the walking tank designer from Metal Gear Solid 1 tries to become his son – at age two – to pilot the walking tank he designed (but really stole from another walking tank designer from Metallic Gear Solid 3) and when the child's mother (another walking tank/AI designer) tries to get her child out of it, he locks her in the cockpit. The game has a six minute audio rails of her making a speech while she slowly suffocates to decease.
Bodily character names: Skull Face, Serenity, Code Talker, Eli.
And that is the Metal Gear Solid serial. Enjoy Metal Gear Survive, I tin can promise you lot it will be less insane than annihilation that precedes it.
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